


I'd be a fool not to love you

by nightmarexy



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Cheating, Developing Relationship, F/F, Face-Sitting, Past Relationship(s), but of course SUPERCORP ENDGAME, but they meet as adults and things happen, dont hate me pls, kara danvers was a stupid teen ok, lena luthor hates her cheating ex-gf, lol yes they do that while having make up sex, yes i changed the rating because i went a bit overboard with the smut, you ask for richer story i give you richer story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:47:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24023089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightmarexy/pseuds/nightmarexy
Summary: Kara Danvers was always sunshine and full of smiles. She was good and kind too. But lately, she has been suspiciously too good to Lena- while at the same time she felt...distant. Her laughs are still bright, yet sometimes Lena would catch a few smiles that didn’t quite reach her eyes, even topped with a slight crinkle of her eyebrows. Lena would translate it as an expression of guilt.“Would you tell me what’s going on?” Lena found herself unable to shrug it off anymore.ORKara Danvers cheated on Lena Luthor in highschool. Lena has sworn off dating ever since, and still hasn’t forgiven the betrayal after more than a decade. Her life turned around when her best friend Sam set her up on a blind date- with her ex-girlfriend.A SupercorpAU about lovers-to-strangers-to-lovers, forgiveness, and putting the past behind.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Samantha "Sam" Arias/Alex Danvers
Comments: 88
Kudos: 741
Collections: 32sk, 4sk, Best Fics





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fic. I just started to learn writing because I wanted to impress someone (i know, lame)
> 
> I know the theme of this fic is sensitive, and no- I don’t think cheating is right. It’s not okay!  
> But I do think in some cases, couples could work it out- at least, when it happened a decade ago when they were just teenagers.  
> I did stupid things and mistakes when I was just a teen and even regret a few to this day.

“ _Another_ blind date?”

It’s almost the weekend. Lena is busying herself in her office high-rise building.

She is wrapping up her work for the week, and tries to get a head start for next week- not that it helps much. Her attention is focused on multiple things at once: the computer screen, the pressure in both of her eyes for looking at the digital screen for way too long, and the sound of Sam's voice coming out of her phone's speaker.

 _“I promise you will like her.”_ Lena could hear Sam’s grin through her voice. She has heard this sentence several times before. Honestly, it’s getting old. _“She’s_ totally _your type!”_

“Very funny, Sam,” Lena replies whilst still typing fast on her computer. “Do you notice that you keep using the same lines every time you’re trying to set me up with someone?” Lena lets out a sigh. “And I _don’t_ have a type. I don’t _date_ , remember?”

 _"I’m just worried that my best friend isn’t getting laid for who knows how long already."_ Sam replies with mock frustration.

“I don’t need to _get laid_ , thank you very much.” Lena stops looking at the eye-straining light of her computer and turns to see Sam’s caller ID on the screen of her phone, watching the seconds adding away on the time counter. “I have myself busy enough with just my work, I can’t imagine if I have to add _‘dating’_ in my agenda.”

_“It’s not a healthy attitude and you know it."_

“I think at this point you should just stop trying to end my decade-long dry spell. I couldn’t care less about it, you shouldn’t as well.”

Sam pauses for a while before replying. _“Why don't you give this one a shot? As a favor for me?”_

“What?”

_“Hello? You owe me a favor, remember? I didn’t save your ass from Morgan Edge’s unwanted approach for nothing.”_

“Which I’m still _so_ _thankful_ for, by the way.” Lena lets out a sigh of defeat, knowing that she could never repay Sam enough for her help in dealing with Edge’s relentless flirting. She closes her eyes in hope to ease the nerves at the back of her eyeballs. “Give me a good reason why I should do this.”

 _“Um,"_ A sudden hesitation could be heard from Sam's voice. _“Remember when I told you I finally met with Alex’s sister last weekend? I might have promised her I would introduce her to someone beautiful and smart.”_

“And that _someone_ is me?” Lena asks Sam incredulously. “Why do you promise such a thing to your girlfriend’s sister anyway?”

_“She just moved out of her cousin’s place in Metropolis, wanting a fresh start. We talked, and the topic of dating came up. I ended up offering help when she told me she wants to start thinking about settling down.”_

“ _'Settling down'_?” Lena’s eyes shoot open in mild surprise. Her eyebrows crinkle in confusion. “I’m sorry to break it to you, Sam, but I’m _obviously_ not the _‘settling down’_ kind.”

 _“Look, Lena. Just go on this_ one _date please?”_ Sam starts to sound desperate. Lena knows she will do this for Sam, though it’s kinda fun to tease her. _“It doesn’t have to mean anything! I’m pretty sure she will be okay with whatever the outcome is. The girl is very nice and sweet. Not to mention_ hot _\- I’ve seen her abs,_ damn. _What’s the worst thing that could happen anyway?”_

Well, those things sure are an added bonus. If she is agreeing to be on board with this, she might as well be getting something in return.

Sex is not an important thing for Lena, at least that’s how she feels when she is piled up with work, which is what happened most of the time ever since she took over her family’s company and rebranded it. She _does_ sometimes (albeit rarely) opt for one night stands, although she doesn’t really favor them- the complexity of it, the NDA forms, and the humdrum satisfaction of the result altogether making her think twice about the arrangement.

Even so, with this opportunity presenting in front of her, it might be such a loss to miss it. It _has been_ a long time.

“The worst thing that could happen is that this girl doesn’t find me attractive. Which we both know is _highly unlikely_ .” Lena says with a smug grin on her face, feeling the confidence that she has been working so hard to build for almost a decade now. “Well then, I'll do it as a favor for my _best friend_. Set it up, Sam.”

 _“That’s my girl!”_ Sam claps her hands and lets out a breath of relief, before continuing. _“I swear, this girl is nothing like your cheating ex-girlfriend- who shall not be named.”_

There’s something in that statement that made Lena heart stings. She swallows hard, trying not to react too much. She straight off wants this conversation to end.

“Okay, I have procrastinated enough, thanks to you,” Lena subtly avoids responding to Sam's sentence whilst trying to get the conversation to wrap up as soon as possible. “Just text me the details later.”

She hangs up after trading her goodbyes with Sam, suddenly feeling the confidence she felt just a moment ago plummets to almost insecurity.

Glancing at the clock, she realized it’s late. Lena turns off her computer, rises from her desk, gathers her things, and heads for the door. She is no longer in the mood for work anyway. She just wants to shower and sleep.

* * *

Betrayal hurts. Being _cheated on_ hurts.

Her _ex-girlfriend_ , Kara Danvers, cheated on her.

She has just finished submitting a lab report that she didn’t think she would get done before 6 pm, before she tried to call Kara, wanting to tell her that _apparently_ she could make it to their dinner date. She picked up her phone, tapping on her then-girlfriend’s name beside a picture of both of them together. It was one of Lena’s favorite pictures- the two of them laughing with a red solo cup in hand. She couldn't help but smile when she saw it.

The call rang a moment too long until she heard Kara’s familiar voicemail- _Hi! I can’t talk right now, just text me and I promise I will get back to you_. Lena cursed a few expletives in frustration after a few futile attempts at reaching Kara, and she dialled Kara’s best friend- Winn. He told her that Kara went to the library to review for an upcoming test. She said her thanks then hung up.

Lena paid the library a visit, only to be let down by the staff in charge _oh, she left around 3_ , he said.

Something was off.

Yes, she knew that Kara was spending the day in the library, they even agreed to meet right there for their date, until Lena texted her to cancel their date. She scrolled through her message history with Kara on her phone, only to find out that the last text Kara sent her was at 4pm, wishing her good luck on writing her report, that she was going to spend the rest of the day in the library since Lena had rainchecked earlier.

 _Is Kara lying?_ Lena let her thoughts went there. _Weird_.

It wasn’t until the next day that Kara finally texted Lena _good morning_ a bit too early in the day. And the rest of the day- up until a few weeks were spent with Kara being strange.

Kara Danvers was always sunshine and full of smiles. She was good and kind too. But lately, she has been suspiciously _too good_ to Lena- while at the same time she felt...distant. Her laughs are still bright, yet sometimes Lena would catch a few smiles that didn’t quite reach her eyes, even topped with a slight crinkle of her eyebrows. Lena would translate it as an expression of guilt.

“Would you tell me what’s going on?” Lena found herself unable to shrug it off anymore. They were seated on the bleacher after Kara’s soccer practice. Kara was still sweating in her soccer jersey and just finished drinking the blue gatorade Lena brought her.

The soccer team members were still gathered around them. One of them took a glance at Lena and she winced at the serious glare Lena was giving Kara. She escaped the scene after bidding her goodbye to Kara- _see you at next practice, Supergirl_ \- a nickname that Lena was always so fond of, but too troubled at the time to be charmed by the name.

“What do you mean?” Kara said as she looked out on the field, not meeting Lena’s eyes.

“What do you _think_ I mean?” This has been going on for too long and the built-up emotion made Lena impatient. “You were being weird and distant this past few weeks, I can feel it. Will you just tell me what’s wrong?”

Kara flinched at Lena’s harsh tone. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about, Babe.”

“Okay, if you’re not going to tell me about it, you _listen_ to what I have to say, and then you can start explaining yourself.” Lena hated the hard tone she was using. It reminded her of the tone of her mother’s chides, of her father’s reprimands. It reminded her of the condescending manners of the Luthor family that she loathed so much. Unfortunately, she was too upset to stop herself.

Lena pointed out everything to Kara, telling her all the things she noticed- whilst observing Kara’s lips scrunched like they usually do when she has something to say but is still trying to find the words. “I know you’re hiding something, Kara. Is there anything you wanted to tell me?”

“Lee-”

“Did I do something wrong? Are you mad because I cancelled on yet _another_ date? I told you about the report I was working-”

“No, Lena!” Kara interrupted her with a shout, finally meeting her eyes. Lena was grateful that it was a late practice, so Kara’s soccer teammates and the people who’ve been there earlier are mostly gone as soon as they finished practising. She wouldn’t want to cause a public drama.

Kara let out a remorseful sigh with a shake and stayed silent for a moment, locked in Lena’s intense stare. Kara dropped her sight to her lap in the attempt of trying to steady her breaths. She had taken a minute too long for Lena’s liking, so she nudged Kara to have her look back in her eyes.

“I-I made a mistake,” Kara finally spoke. “I did something _bad_.”

“What did you do, Kara?”

Kara lowered her head, but stopped halfway all of a sudden because she knew that Lena disliked it when people avoided her eyes when talking about something serious. “ _I slept with someone_.”

Lena stared at her blankly for a split second before her eyebrows started to knit in mixed confusion and shock.

“I should’ve told you sooner, I know that.” Kara’s voice was shaking. “It was a mistake and I know I shouldn’t have done it. I was stupid, so _so_ _stupid_. I just felt so _alone_ and I let my emotion get the best of me. I know it wouldn’t justify my actions- _I'm really sorry_.”

“Who is it?” Tears threatened to spill from Lena’s eyes. She felt an acidic burn in the back of her throat. “ _Who is it, damn it!”_

“It’s Lucy.”

Lucy Lane. Of course. A jock and a cheerleader. _Classic_. Lena scoffed bitterly- cheeks now wet from tears.

“How could you?”

“ _I_ _'m so sorry_. _Please,_ Lena-”

Lena abruptly stood up from her seat- unwilling to hear any more words from someone who has betrayed her trust. Without giving a glance to Kara's weeping figure, Lena walked away after bidding her farewell.

“Goodbye, Kara.”

After that incident, Lena has sworn off dating and _falling in love_ , because it’s what naive people believe in. They don’t know the first thing about feeling the utter betrayal of a loved one. They don’t know that love is just a spoken word. And Lena Luthor is _not_ one of them. Not anymore.

What she had with Kara has its good times. Sadly, all the years she has passed replaying their downfall moment every time she felt attracted to anyone, every time anyone got close enough to almost touch the walls she put up, have made Lena had forgotten how to reminisce on the good moments of her relationship with Kara.

Now it’s just plain bitterness and a slight feeling of numb.

She’s mostly _okay_ now. She likes to believe she is doing well.

She has moved to National City to salvage what she could from her family’s company and has been really successful in making a better name for herself after all the tarnished reputation her brother _and_ mother have caused.

She has Sam too, a very best friend she found while interning at then LuthorCorp- who also had significantly helped her in turning said company to the now-known as L-Corp.

Her past with Kara is just another chapter of her life that was long left in her hometown in Metropolis a decade ago. Her past with Kara in Metropolis. Kara from _Metropolis_ , which she knows has a sister named _Alex_.

 _Kara Danvers_ \- whose name Lena has cursed and no longer allows her own mouth to say ever since the greatest catastrophe of the youngest Luthor’s love life went down.

Lena tries so hard to remember Sam’s girlfriend’s last name. She sighs after thinking maybe she never knew about it. ‘Alex’ is a pretty common name, right? _Anyone_ could have a sister named Alex. Moreover, Metropolis is a _big_ city. A big city and a common name. The chance is pretty slim for this person to be- _NO_.

Lena does not dare herself to think down that path. That kind of plot only happens in comedy movies.

_Right?_

* * *

Turns out, Lena Luthor's life _i_ _s_ a comedy.

She comes to that realization when a pair of piercing bright blue eyes met her own pair of pale green in a dazed stare.

Kara Danvers stands in front of her in a crisp navy suit and a french twist updo.

“ _Lena_?” She says as she approaches the table Lena is sitting at. “ _You're_ Sam's friend?”

 _Shit_.

A week has passed since Sam's call about the blind date she _finally_ agreed to go to.

Lena tied up her hair in a towel before stepping out of the shower to grab her bathrobe. It was 5 pm, and she still has two hours until she had to be at the restaurant Sam texted the address of earlier.

She shaved her legs and gave her lady parts a neat trim, noting to herself to sign up for that laser appointment Sam told her about a while back.

She walked back towards her bedroom after applying perfume. The dress she had chosen earlier is spread out on her bed. Her bedroom is tidy and well-kept. Everything is placed orderly except for a novel that she read the night before- placed on her bedside table.

She has picked a tight-fitting black dress with a pattern of red flowers spread out all over the material. The sleeves went down to her elbows, not wanting to reveal too much to her date’s imagination. She finished her look off with a red lipstick and heels with similar colored soles, letting her straightened dark brunette hair down.

Just when she was reaching to grab her maroon coat, her phone rang. Peeking at her best friend’s caller ID, she pressed the green answer button and put the phone on speaker. “What’s up, Sam? I am just about to head out soon.”

_“Please tell me you’re wearing something sexy enough to sweep your date off her feet and get you lucky.”_

“Because we _should_ judge a book by its cover.” Lena quipped with raised eyebrows as she grabbed her purse. “Did you just call me because you want to make sure I’m wearing a _suggestive_ outfit for my date?”

 _“Hey, I’m just looking out for my best friend.“_ Lena snorted at Sam’s words. _“Are you sure you don’t want me to tell her to pick you up at your place?”_

“No, it’s alright. I don’t need a stranger to know where I live, thank you.”

 _“Okay. I made the reservation under my name so you shouldn’t be pressured to take the bill.”_ Lena nodded and hummed as she listened. _“Reservation is at 7, and I told her to be prompt. I know you hate people who aren’t punctual.”_

“I’m glad you know me so well.” Lena walked out her door and headed to the elevator. “Let’s just hope that I’m not disappointed.”

 _“Well then, I should wish_ her _good luck.”_ Sam deadpanned. _“Oh, and promise me you won't ditch her? I don't want to deal with Alex trying to kick down your door because her sister wants to go back to Metropolis. Give her a good impression of National City, Lena.”_

“And you think a _Luthor_ is the best person to do that?”

_“Promise me to stay until the end of the date, please?”_

Lena groaned jokingly. “Fine, I promise.”

_“Also, promise me you will tell me how it goes.”_

“Yeah, yeah. I promise. I’ll be late if you don’t hang up soon, Sam.”

Sam hung up after saying _remember, good impression_. Lena hummed her goodbye as she entered her black town car.

Anticipation and nerves started to settle in Lena’s gut. As much as she was unwilling to admit it, she _did_ get excited at the idea of this date- especially after such a long time since her last proper one. Not to mention the possibility of getting some action if this date goes well- but Lena isn’t willing to admit _that_. She told her chauffeur to call it a day, nevertheless.

She has to calm down.

The restaurant was pretty nice. The dimmed lighting and the soft jazz music playing in the background helped in making Lena to be in a more relaxed mood. After she mentioned _reservation under Samantha Arias_ , she was being ushered to a quiet private spot on the railing side of a mezzanine. The waiter approached and poured her a glass of red wine as she settled in her seat.

She glanced at the clock on her phone screen. _6.57 pm_.

The waiter excused himself after informing Lena that a full course dinner had been pre-ordered as per the reservation. Sam really went all out- as expected from her CFO.

Lena subconsciously tapped her fingers on the table as she took in her surroundings, observing her views from the raised platform of the spacious restaurant. A tall and lean figure walking behind an usher caught her attention.

She could feel the steady beating of her own heart had started to go at a faster rate as she watched the woman headed upstairs to the balcony area.

The woman was _most probably_ her date for the night. Judging from her physique and gesture itself, she can tell that this woman is- true to Sam’s words- _hot_.

Okay, maybe Lena has _one_ type.

Lena did a quick back-track to remember which pair of underwear she had chosen to wear at the time and was relieved when she recalled picking the sexier ones she owned.

That feeling of relief slowly turned into consternation as the figure came closer and closer to her table. There is something oddly familiar about the color of her hair, the way she smiled as she small-talked the usher who was leading her-

Lena saw the woman saying _thank you_ and nodded after knowing which she was supposed to go. She was only a few steps away from reaching her seat when she saw Lena’s face.

The woman suddenly paused. Her smile distorted into a confused frown.

“ _Lena?_ ”

* * *

Kara carefully continues walking towards her seat and pulls the chair. “ _You’re_ Sam’s friend?”

_Shit._

_What’s the worst thing that could happen anyway_? This. _This_ is the worst thing that could happen- _and it’s happening_.

Lena’s heart is beating wildly outside of her control and her palms are starting to sweat. Despite all the struggle, she somehow manages to feign composure. “You wear glasses now?”

Of all the things she could've said or done, Lena didn't know why she blurted out that question.

The small chuckle she earns from Kara makes Lena think that this is going much better than she could ever expect it. She thought her first encounter with her ex-girlfriend after such a long time will feature much less patience and _way more_ physical damage.

“Yeah, it's from looking at the screen too much. _Workplace hazard_.” Kara replies wittily as she takes a seat. A sudden hesitation showing on her face. “Uh, I could just go if you're uncomfortable with this-”

“No, it's fine.” Lena surprises herself with her answer.

_‘Fine’? Really, Lena?_

“Okay. If you're sure.” Kara sits with her back straight and her hands resting on her lap. The gesture seems too awkward for her.

“Are _you_?” Lena asks with a raised brow. “You look like those nervous interns in an interview with their dream company.”

Kara laughs at that and starts to relax a bit. “I just didn't expect to see you, that's all.”

Lena is still thinking what she should reply with and the waiter comes to pour Kara her glass of wine, asking _should I start serving the food, ma'am?_ Kara answers with a soft “Yes, thank you.”

When the waiter walks away, Lena is still staring at Kara without realizing it. Kara catches her eyes and flusters a bit before Lena tries to change her line of sight, turning to look at _anywhere else but Kara_.

They just sit there in awkward silence. Neither of them knows what to say to the other. Kara keeps fidgeting- she wrings her hands and Lena knows because she keeps stealing a glance at her every few seconds.

It suddenly felt too much. All of this felt too much.

“I'm just going to the ladies' room for a bit.” Lena excuses herself and rises from her seat. Wanting to escape and be anywhere but in front of her high school girlfriend right now. She grabs her purse just in case she _really_ needs to disappear from this restaurant, she could.

Kara’s mouth opens like she almost wanted to say something but Lena is already making a beeline towards the washroom.

She opens the dark varnished door and swiftly puts her purse on top of the marble counter. She yanks out her phone from inside her purse with a few other things spilling out- but Lena has something more urgent to do. Opening her speed dial list, she presses a finger on her best friend's face.

She hopes that Sam picks up her call despite knowing that it's Saturday night and her best friend is most likely busy shagging her girlfriend at this hour.

Lena rolls her eyes when Sam's voicemail greeting plays.

She doesn't even bother to wait a second longer before hanging up. She sighs and looks in the mirror.

_Deep breaths, Luthor._

She tries to steady her heartbeat that has been beating wildly from unclear reasons. _Let's analyze the situation here_.

There's one Kara Danvers and two plates of appetizer waiting for her.

There’s also two promises made to her best friend. And one of them being exactly _the opposite of what Lena is planning to do right now_.

_Crap._

Lena paces on the polished marble floor, trying to calm herself down. If she stays in the washroom longer than she should, maybe Kara will get the hint and leave- so _technically_ she’s the one who leaves, and _technically_ , Lena didn’t break her promise.

_That’s not how it works, Genius._

Lena washes her hands with cold water in the hope it will make her agitation go away. She can do this. She just has to play nice for one night, and then see her never again. One night, plain and simple. Lena can do this.

Lena _can’t_ do this. What if Kara is still _that Kara_ \- the one who is the root cause of Lena’s emotional scar? What if Kara starts to bring up topics that she wants to avoid at all cost?

 _Come on_. She deals with narrow-minded businessmen every day. She can deal with one Kara Danvers.

Lena takes one last assessment in the mirror and tries to compose herself.

When she walks back to the table, she sees Kara still sitting- albeit rather slouching now. The clicks of Lena’s red-bottomed high heels make her head swivels in the direction. She visibly perks up with an unreadable expression on her face.

“I thought you left.” Kara’s voice is small. However, she’s looking at Lena straight in the eyes.

“I was considering it,” Lena lowers back to her seat. “But I promised Sam I’d do this for her. I owed her a favor.”

She picks up her glass of wine and takes a sip before she continues. “Look, I just want to get this over with, okay? We’ll eat our dinner, drink our wine. We’ll talk, but can we try to steer away from _sensitive_ topics?”

Kara presses her lips together. She nods her head.

Lena got this.

* * *

As the night goes on, the lighting of the room gets dimmer. The volume of the music has turned up a few levels, and some tables audibly get louder with laughter and chatter. Both Kara and Lena are on their third glass of wine already. Their chats go on smoothly. _Thank god for alcohol_ \- Lena tries to convince herself that this is nothing more than that.

They talk about their lives, catching up on how they’ve been- while _intentionally_ veering away from the topic Lena doesn’t want to talk about- _especially_ not with the person charged with conviction.

Kara tells stories about Alex, which Lena follows up with stories about Sam.

Kara also talks about her job as a reporter for CatCo- which Lena finds unexpected, although it explains why she is wearing glasses. Apparently, she studied journalism in Metropolis University, and even has won herself a Pulitzer Prize.

Lena gets to talk about her company and her experiences- which she lowkey hopes is the cause of Kara’s look of amazement and- _admiration_?

Kara surprisingly knows _a lot_ about Lena’s numerous achievements and the progress of L-Corp’s initiatives. She insisted that the reason that she knows _is not because I was stalking you, Lee_ \- but it’s because of the high level of publicity that has been covered about them. Lena laughs at the sudden color change in Kara’s face as she tries to defend herself.

“So, is there any _ulterior motive_ behind the reason you move to National City?” Lena teases Kara as she finishes her entrée.

Kara startles and coughs as she chokes on her food. She grabs the almost empty glass of wine and finishes it in big gulps. Lena watches in amusement.

“It’s Alex.” Kara clears her throat. “She said she wanted to be closer with me, especially now that we only have each other.”

“Oh, Eliza-” Lena blurts out before she’s able to stop herself. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, last summer.” Kara shrugs. “We’re okay now, don’t worry.”

Kara pauses for a while, trying to gather her thoughts before continuing, “I guess some part of the reason why I moved here is because I wanted a fresh start. I stayed in Metropolis all my life because it felt like home. But after Eliza passed away last summer, I moved to Clark- my cousin's place. He lives with his wife and their son and they were very welcoming. They are such a happy little family and I _know_ I wanted _that_ \- but it just _didn't_ feel like home.”

Lena almost reaches for Kara's hand- but stops halfway and just rests her hand on the table. Kara smiles a little with a penitent expression. After that she starts again. “After what happened back then- after what _I did_ back then, I was… all over the place. I still had Alex and Eliza at the time, so I was getting better, eventually. But now I'm not even sure if I have anywhere- _anything_ to call home.”

A waiter comes and asks if they would like more wine, both of them say yes. Kara continues after she says a kind _thank you_ to the waiter. “I _know_ you'd be here in National City so it's not exactly a _fresh start_. But Alex is here, and to be honest- I never would've thought that I would meet the CEO of the _leading_ biomedical engineering company in America- in just my _second week_ living here.”

Lena blushes at that. “Sorry to ruin your _'fresh start'_ so soon.”

Kara laughs sincerely and shrugs. “On the contrary, I'm happy that I get to meet you again so soon- well, _ten years_ is not exactly _soon_ \- but you get what I mean.”

“Happy? Why is that?”

“I wanted to clear the air between us, Lee. I was such a despicable- _scumbag_.” Lena snorts at Kara’s word. _Scumbag_. That’s about accurate. Kara smiles sheepishly and continues, “Maybe _‘scumbag’_ is still being too kind. You might never want to forgive me and if that’s the case, I deserve that. I just wanted you to know that I’m really sorry. I _fucked up_ real bad.”

“My, my. Did you just _swear_?” Lena raises her eyebrow with an unbelieving smile. “You never do that back in the days.”

“It has been _ten years_ after all.” Kara grins at her own remarks, then she exhales a sigh and takes in Lena’s eyes. “I’m sorry, okay?”

Her voice seems sincere. The way she looks at Lena shows how much she meant what she said. There’s guilt in those blue eyes. There’s a glint of hopefulness, hoping for forgiveness. Lena gives Kara a heartfelt smile.

Maybe. _Just maybe_. Lena could really forgive her.

Kara is _still Kara_ \- for the most part. Her hair is still shiny and _so_ golden. Her posture is still fit and muscular. Her cheek dimples still show when she laughs. She still waves her hand whenever she's being modest. She still has an irresistible pout.

She is still able to make Lena _really_ laugh- _still_ making Lena feel all kinds of things she never felt with anyone else before.

But there is something about her that has changed. The way she nods and hums when she listens to Lena. She is much more grounded now. Her overall composure and demeanor is much more collected and assured now. She is a grown mature woman.

Maybe. _Just maybe_. Lena is opening up to her own feelings again.

 _It has been ten years after all_.

Lena also finds her way of dressing up very different, changing her look from what Lena is used to seeing her in- red and blue varsity jacket, t-shirts, hoodies, and baggy jeans, with hair tied up in a ponytail or let loose in curly locks- she never expected her to even consider wearing a sleek suit and neat hairdo. With _glasses_ on top of that.

To conclude everything: Kara Danvers is _super attractive_.

 _No_. Lena Luthor has to stop thinking about that.

* * *

Lena is sharing a cab with Kara. She’s not _quite sure_ how it happened.

One moment they were talking about the city’s beautiful towering skyscrapers, and the next moment Lena has invited Kara to visit her apartment- because it happened to be in one of the tallest buildings in National City.

It’s not too late to think of an excuse.

She could ask if Kara’s allergic to any animals, and then tell her she has said animal as a pet.

She could tell Kara that she just remembered that everyone who enters the building has to be pre-registered beforehand.

Or she could-

The cab driver pulls up in the apartment building’s lobby. _Oh no_.

“ _Wow_.” Kara breaks the silence after the trip-too-short in the cab was spent in silence. “That’s _really tall_.”

They clamber out of the cab after Lena paid for the ride. Kara still gazes up the towering skyscraper in awe.

“Shall we?” Lena leads Kara to the elevator. Voices of warning nudge Lena from the back of her mind. But Lena tries to ignore them. _This is fine. Nothing has to happen._

  
Lena’s apartment is- cold. It’s not that her thermostat isn’t working, in fact, she has the most advanced temperature setting technology installed in her unit. Her apartment lacks personal touch- there’s no hand-knitted throws, no home cooked dishes, no pictures of Lena.

Even so, the view from her balcony is _spectacular_.

Kara has been outside for about fifteen minutes now, leaning on the railing, unmoving. Lena is inside her living room the whole time, not wanting to ruin her moment.

A little voice in her heart is telling her to drag this night and linger for as long as she could, betraying the evergrowing voice in her head. She pours two glasses of whiskey and heads to the full glass window.

Just when she’s about to cross the threshold to her balcony, Lena sees it-

Kara’s eyes reflecting- almost glimmering from the lights of surrounding buildings. She looks serene yet vulnerable. It’s the look that always has been _so Kara_ , but only now Lena realizes that it holds such a pulling attraction to it.

Lena flinches when Kara turns to glance at her. She quickly recovers by offering one glass to her. “Nightcap, _Supergirl_?”

“Whoa, haven't heard _that one_ in a long time.” Kara smiles and accepts the drink. She takes a sip while looking back out the distance. “This reminds me of that time we snuck onto the roof of our dorm building.”

“Good thing we didn’t forget our coats this time.” Lena chuckles at the memory. “Remember? It was _so cold_ we had to hug each other for _hours_. I still think it was your fault that the door handle got stuck.”

“Yeah, I think it was actually _my fault_.” Kara grins. “I have to admit, those were the good times, though.”

Lena’s heart skips at that and a shiver runs down her spine. She blames it on the chilly breeze of the night.

The conversation has gone way too dangerous in such a short period of time. This is not the zone she should be touching.

“Well,” Lena starts without really thinking. “Even _we_ had _some_ good times.”

Despite the low lighting, Lena sees a slight frown on Kara’s face. It looks like she’s recalling- _thinking_ _hard_. About what? Lena isn’t sure, but her face looks upset enough to prove that it’s not something good.

They stood there in silence for some time. Neither of them has the courage to disturb the calm water surrounding them.

“You know,” Kara finally breaks the silence. “I still haven’t forgiven myself for what I did.”

Lena just noticed that Kara has been staring at her for some time now.

“What I did was cruel and really _really_ unfair to you. I knew that you were so busy because you were working _so hard_ to get that scholarship. But I let myself believed that _feeling lonely_ was a valid enough reason to do that _stupid_ mistake. No- I _let_ myself come up with excuses to justify my mistake. And for that, I truly am sorry, Lena.”

The air is heavy between them. Lena swallows the lump in her throat. She ponders on Kara’s words, reflecting the past they had together. She finishes her drink in big gulps- trying to use the alcohol effects to help her into saying her next words.

“You _should_ know, I’m sorry too,” Lena replies after a while. “I wasn’t a _good girlfriend_ either. I was an emotional time bomb. I was hard to deal with and I wasn’t _exactly_ the best communicator.”

Lena has to clear her throat a couple times before continuing. “I keep blaming you for not understanding me, meanwhile- I didn’t really put any effort to make it easier for you too.”

Kara nods along noncommittally. “I guess it took two to tango.”

Lena huffs a small laugh in agreement.

She notices the empty glass of Kara’s drink and offers to help her set it down on the outdoor table she has on her balcony. They settle back into the silence, staring at the night view of the city. There’s a certain atmosphere between them.

_Vulnerability_.

She can’t quite pinpoint what it is exactly. But compared to a decade ago, Kara Danvers has changed.

No. Kara Danvers _has grown_. Lena knows that much, at least.

Maybe Lena has grown too.

“Does the regret haunt you?” Lena asks.  
  


Kara moves closer to where Lena stands, brows pulling to a frown as she whispers, _“Every single day.”_

Lena’s heart does strange leaps at Kara’s statement.

_“ Lena- “_

Kara’s voice is small. So small that Lena is sure she has never seen Kara this weak. This _vulnerable_.

_“ Would you ever truly forgive me? “_

Kara’s eyebrows are knitted in desperation, her eyes almost sad- _pleading_.

Lena notices that they are leaning close. _So close_ that she only needs to breathe out her reply. _“I think I already have forgiven you, Kara Danvers.”_

Kara's eyes widen at the mention of her name. She hasn't heard it once the whole night they were together.

For the first time after a decade- Lena finally lifts the curse in that name. The word is foreign on Lena’s tongue, yet it feels _so much like home_.

This feels familiar- but Lena knows this is a new territory for them. A place where they _truly_ see each other. Open and defenseless.

Kara leans closer and their noses brush against each other. She looks down at Lena’s lips with half-lidded eyes.

_“ Can I kiss you? “_

Lena didn't even think about it until she finally closed the distance and pressed their lips together.

* * *

What was once a sweet deep kiss has now developed into desperate, open-mouthed kisses. Their breaths are getting heavier, arms tangling in each other.

Lena grabs the collar of Kara's button up to pull her mouth against hers. This is amazing. Kissing Kara like this _is amazing_. Her lips are soft but the movements of her tongue are firm. The little low moans coming out of her throat drove Lena wanting more and more, so she moved one hand to rake her nails through Kara’s hair and pull her closer. She wants more of her. _More_ of Kara.

Lena feels a hand slide down her lower back to mold the curve of her ass and her breath hitches. It stays there for a while before going lower to the hem of her dress. She gasps when a sudden dragging movement rucks up her dress to expose her pale thighs.

“Wait- wait,” Lena releases her mouth from Kara's and puts a hand to Kara's chest. She pushes her away slightly, both of them panting hard from their earlier heated exchange. Despite the darkness, she could see Kara's eyes are darkening with desire, looking at her with a silent question. “You should know that it's been _a while_ for me, so…”

“Oh, right.” Kara removes her hands from Lena's lower body and stiffly puts it down on her sides. “D-do you want to stop?” She searches Lena's eyes, looking slightly troubled, confidence washing away. “It's been a while for me too, but we don't have to do anything that you're not comfortable with. We could just cuddle and talk? Or I could leave? Is that something you want-”

Lena leans forward to peck Kara's lips to stop her rambles. She tries to not let herself think twice of the situation. “I want _this_ , Kara. Just- go slow?”

“Slow. Got it.” Kara clears her throat. She blinks several times to clear her mind. She slowly reaches out a hand to caress Lena’s jaw, thumb brushing her cheek. Her brows suddenly twisted in confusion. “Sorry- what kind of _slow_ are we talking about here?”

Kara looks- _desirable_. Her hair mussed, collar crooked, and lips a bit swollen from being thoroughly kissed. But there is something about the crinkles in between her brows, and puzzled look make her...kinda cute? She is being adorable and _hot_ and Lena just wants to kiss her stupid.

“We can start by _not_ doing _this_ on the balcony?” Lena quips with a teasing smirk.

“Great idea.” Kara nods quickly, almost impatient. “Lead the way.”  
  


Lena practically drags Kara across her living room and towards her bedroom. Once they walked past the door, Kara quickly turned Lena around, held a firm grip on Lena’s hips, and crashed their mouths back together to continue their moment of passion where they left it off.

Kara’s strong hands are holding her, moving up and down her sides and back- trying to _feel_ all of Lena’s curves. Her actions are more courageous this time- braving her palms to slide underneath her already rucked up dress and squeeze Lena’s ass cheeks- causing Lena to gasp at the sensation.

Kara swipes her tongue over Lena’s lower lips and Lena opens her mouth in reflex- inhaling the shared breath between her and Kara. Kara smiles smugly into the kiss at her unexpected reaction. She feels a tongue tentatively slips into her mouth and- _oh god_ \- it’s just what she needs right now. Both of them moan into the kiss at the contact.

Lena didn’t notice that she was slowly walking backwards until she felt the edge of her bed bumping on the back of her knees. The sudden physical nudge interrupts her lustful yearnings and her burning thoughts are doused by a slight doubt and _a lot of insecurities_. It got her mind reeling back- _way back_ \- real fast.

_Should she be doing this?_

“Hey. Lee- Lena. Look at me.” Kara notices the lack of Lena’s participation and pulls back to make a little bit of distance in between them, her arms still holding Lena’s sides. She scans her face with a concerned look. Leaning in to press her cheeks against Lena’s, Kara whispers close in her ears. “We don't have to do this, okay?”

Lena could feel Kara’s breath closely against her neck. “It’s funny.” Lena quivers trying to voice her thoughts. “Less than a minute ago _this_ is all I needed. And now my mind is going a mile a minute and- _god,_ Kara. What if _this_ is another mistake? What if we’re heading the wrong direction? What if-”

“Stop. You’re overthinking this.” Kara straightens back up to look directly in Lena’s green eyes, her eyes full of affirmation. “I-I don’t know _everything_ that’s going to happen down the road if we’re doing _this_ , but I can assure you... _I’m right here_.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Kara swipes a strand of raven hair to the back of Lena’s ear. She brushes her cheek and guides her face up to look at Kara’s own eyes. “Hey, it’s going to be okay, Lee. I’m right here.”

Lena nods and closes her eyes. This is okay. This feels right.

“Can I take off your dress?” Kara speaks softly. Lena’s eyes fluttered open. She nods, unable to trust herself to speak.

Kara holds her close, front pressing against Lena’s, and reaches at the zipper on her back. She slides it down, and slowly shows more and more of her pale skin. She shivers at the feeling of cold air on her back. Kara sucks in breath in a loud gasp after dropping the black dress to pool around Lena’s feet.

“ _Wow_.”

The sight of Lena in a lacy black underwear is enough to make Kara slack-jawed. She is staring- _devouring_ Lena’s body with just her eyes. The blue in her eyes almost eclipses completely with the black of her pupils. The attention should have made Lena feel uneasy, but all she feels right now is just- _heat_. Heat coiling low in her belly- heat flushing the pale freckled skin all over her body.

“As exquisite as you look in that suit, I think you’re way too _overdressed_ for this occasion.”

Lena starts to unbutton Kara’s shirt after she takes off her outerwear. It’s only a matter of a few seconds less than a minute for both of them to get fully naked- both impatient and eager. And the next thing they know is Lena is lying down on her super king sized bed with Kara hovering on top of her with her elbows on both sides of her head.

Her hand trails all over Kara’s muscled body, wanting to feel _all of her_ \- strong arms, chiseled abs, firm breasts. She rolls her palms over pebbled nipples and the low groan she earns from Kara is like music to her ears.

Kara nibbles Lena’s earlobe gently and moves downward to nuzzle her neck, planting hot-searing kisses along her collarbone and into her chest. One hand gropes her left breast- thumb and index finger pinching lightly on her hardened nipple, and her right breast is lavish with Kara’s attention in laps of her tongue. Lena can’t help the guttural moan that escapes her throat.

It didn’t take long until Kara moved lower to hover at Lena’s already soaking centre. She kisses her inner thighs and moves closer to the part where Lena wants her the most. She swallows in anticipation- waiting for Kara to stop teasing her and _just give it to her_ already. She rolls her hip upwards subconsciously, eager to feel the treatment Kara has yet to give her. “Kara, _please_.”

“Are we still going _slow_? Because I know you like it _fast_.” Kara looks up to see Lena’s heavy lidded eyes.

“ _To hell with slow_. Fast. Give me fas- _oh fuck-_ ” Kara already has two fingers thrusting inside Lena. The wet sounds of fingers pumping spurs her arousal to coat her inner thighs with _even more_ slick. Lena cried out a high-pitched moan.

“Oh, you _still_ like it when I do that.” The comment seems _unnecessary-_ but Lena is too frenzied to give it much thought. Kara puts more effort by adding her free hand to rub on Lena’s clit in a circular motion.

“ _Kara-_ ” They move together in a fast, steady rhythm. Another finger slips in between Lena’s thighs, and she’s enjoying the added pressure. “ _Fuck_. Go deeper-”

When Kara curls her fingers and hits a particular sensitive spot, Lena lets out a sound that borders between a growl and a moan.

“You made the same noises back then too.”

“What?” The remarks made Lena self-conscious. Kara still continues thrusting deep inside her, not noticing the shifting of atmosphere.

“Do you want me to do that thing I did back when we-”

“ _For the love of god_ , Kara,” Lena sits up, getting frustrated by Kara’s _unneeded_ refreshers. This is _not_ the time she wants to be reminded of her early days of sexual experience. “Do you really want to compare sexual notes with our 17 years-old-selves _right now_?”

“Um-” Kara flinches. A slight guilt creeps on her face. “Yeah, sorry, I wasn’t really thinking-”

Lena cuts her apology with a rough suggestive kiss against her mouth. “Just shut up and fuck me, _Supergirl_.”  
  


There isn’t much talking afterwards.

Picking up where they left off, Kara continues moving her fingers in and out while Lena bites the bottom of her lip. Kara hisses and enters Lena’s mouth with her tongue. The wet noises from their mouths and fingers pumping are loud enough to fill the room.

Lena breaks their kiss to gasp for air. She’s heady from the lack of oxygen- but the pleasure she’s feeling is slowly reaching higher and higher, closer to the edge. “Kara- _fuck-_ I’m so close.”

“Tell me what you want, Baby.” The whispered term of endearment is sweet enough to make Lena melt, and she feels even hotter- _closer_ than before. She wraps her arms around Kara’s neck to hold her tight, wanting to feel as close as possible to her.

“I want- _oh god-_ I want your mouth on me. _Please_.” Kara hums in understanding and shimmies out Lena’s embrace to move lower.

When a broad strip of tongue draws upwards against Lena’s slit, she comes hard. Her hips jolting in uncontrolled movement, her thighs clamping to lock Kara’s head, her walls clenching around Kara’s fingers, and a chant of _Kara, Kara-_ is breathed out of her mouth.

The pumping movement inside her slowed down, but it didn’t stop. Lena has just come down from her high when she feels the fire reigniting in her belly- bringing her back to awareness of every physical sensation upon her body. Soft kisses are being planted on her cheeks and she could hear the whispers of encouragement from Kara bringing her back to the increasing state of pleasure.

Kara has moved her position to slot Lena’s thigh in between both of her own. When her skin made contact with Kara’s center, a wet and slick warmth could be felt along with Kara’s gasp. Her eyes are met with Kara’s questioning gaze. “Can- may I?”

Lena nods and puts both of her hands in a steady grip of Kara’s hips guiding them back and forth along her pale thigh. Kara starts to grind on Lena’s thigh in tandem with the movement of her own fingers.

Their pace increases and Kara throws her head back, eyes shutting tight. Her mouth opens and her eyebrows furrow. Lena steadily rocks their bodies in a fast tempo- aiding Kara’s movement which is getting unsteady and jerky as a sign that she’s close.

“Are you-” Kara’s words are cut off with her own moans. “Are you close, Lee?”

Lena is amazed that even though Kara is going to spill over her edge _really soon_ , she’s still paying attention to Lena’s pleasure. She kisses her neck and voices her assurance. “I’m not far behind. Let’s focus on you for now.”

With one hand still guiding Kara’s hips, Lena brings her other hand to slip between the contact of Kara’s center and her thigh, feeling out for the sensitive nub and starts to rub it with her middle finger.

“ _Oh- that feels so good- Lena- Lena-_ ”

Kara climaxes with a silent cry. Her back arching, eyes still shut-tight- and Lena finds the sight of it is just... _magnetizing_.

Kara is still riding her orgasm out and her fingers are almost idle inside Lena. Not wanting to wait a minute longer, Lena retrieves the hand that was on Kara’s hip to reach down on her own clit and start rubbing it fast in circles. She is already _so_ _close_ by watching Kara come all over her thigh, so it didn’t take long until her hip is bucking against her own hand, and once again achieved her release.

“ _Wow._ ” Lena breathes out the word as she lies on her front against the bed, still panting hard.

“That’s right. _Wow_.” Kara lays down on her side, facing Lena. Her hand reaches out to run her fingers through Lena’s tousled hair.

Lena turns on her side to look at Kara. “Where did you learn to do _all that_? Back then you barely-”

“Now _who’s_ comparing sexual notes?” Kara grins smugly. 

“Touché.”

They scoot closer to each other and kiss softly. Kara wraps her arm protectively around Lena, and she could only sigh in contentment as she nuzzles Kara’s neck. Their limbs are tangling together- fitting like puzzle pieces. Lena never noticed how comfortable it is being held in Kara’s embrace this way. This, _too_ , feels like home.

They stay like that for some time, just basking in each other’s presence. Lena twirling a stray golden lock around her fingers, Kara drawing abstract patterns on her back.

“You know,” Kara says softly. “I was really nervous when I realized that _you_ were the one I’m seeing tonight.”

“ _Really_? And I thought I was the only one with the nerves. I _did_ consider escaping, after all.” Lena replies with a cheeky smirk. Kara giggles at her remark.

“You just look _so beautiful_. You won’t believe how fast my heart was beating then- I thought _I was going to faint_.” Lena laughs when she sees Kara's wide expressive eyes. “The whole time we were in the restaurant, I keep thinking millions of ways that I will mess it up somehow- choke on my food, spill my drink, mistakenly calling you _'babe'_ -”

“You _did_ call me 'babe' earlier.”

“ _Yeah_ , but it's when we're doing our… _ministrations_.”

“ _'_ _Ministrations'- Jesus_ , Kara,” Lena lightly smacks Kara's abs. “You're _lucky_ you're cute.” Lena cringes but she's smiling wide nevertheless.

“Wait- let me finish,” Kara playfully presses a finger to Lena's lips. “Despite all kinds of emotions I was feeling tonight, I realized that there's one thing in particular that's _very clear_ to me. When I talked to you just now- when we’re on the balcony, I knew that even now- _even_ after ten years apart,” Kara clears her throat. “I’m still in love with you, Lena Luthor.”

A pause. A fat pause.

“ _Oh my god_ , since when did you get _so sappy_?” Lena snorts out a laugh and pokes at Kara’s side. Kara starts grinning and pecks Lena’s cheek before tickling her without mercy until Lena squeaks out a threat _if you don’t stop right now- Kara- I swear I’ll kick you out-_ only to be responded by Kara's hearty guffaw.

Their laughter slowly fades out into an uncomfortable stillness with a heavy declaration hanging in the air.

“Don't worry, I _totally_ don't expect you to _feel the same_.” Kara breaks the ice, rolling her eyes in mock sarcasm- although it comes off a bit too awkward to not hold any hidden meaning behind it.

“Remembering the emotional trauma you put me through, I think it _might_ take awhile for me to reach there.” Lena responds with a soft voice.

This is a new water for her- _for them_ , yet she is somehow sure that everything will turn out fine eventually. “But will you stay and wait for me?”

Kara turns to her side to look at Lena earnestly. “ _Always_.” She then plants a soft kiss to the corner of Lena’s lips. “I’m really sorry for what I did.”

“No more apologies. We’re moving on.”

Kara nods in a silent agreement.

They kiss a little bit more before both of them drift to sleep in each other's arms. In almost thirty years of her life, Lena finally understood how it feels like knowing that everything will be okay.

* * *

When the next morning comes, things are surprisingly _easy_.

Lena wakes up still wrapped against Kara. She squints at the light shining down her face and tries not to jostle the warm body beside her awake. But the sound of a hum coming from her side proves her failure.

“ _G’morning_. “ Kara says sleepily with her eyes still closed.

“Breakfast?” Lena rises from her messy bed. A hand grabs her wrist and pulls her down.

“In a minute.” Kara plants a chaste kiss onto her lips. She can’t help but smile at the gesture. Lena pecks at the blonde’s cheek before wriggling free out of her grasp.

“I’ll make some pancakes. Don’t get up too late, _sleepyhead_.”

Lena is brewing a pot of tea when she realizes how _deliciously_ sore her body is. The faint marks on her skin remind her of the events that happened on her previous night. She knows it will take some effort to cover it up later- but that’s a problem for future Lena. And the present Lena is just happy with the sight in front of her.

Kara only in her underwear, while she digs into her plate- a stack of _at least six_ pancakes drenched in maple syrup and sided with strips of bacon. Another thing that didn’t change about Kara is her appetite and _unhuman_ metabolism.

Lena’s phone sings her ringtone and Sam’s face pops up on the screen. 

_“You promised me two things.”_

“Good morning, Sam.” Lena grabs an empty cup and offers Kara a tea with a silent gesture. Kara nods and smiles in acceptance.

_“So? How’s Alex’s sister?”_

“Why don’t you ask _Kara_ yourself?”

“Hi, Sam.” Kara speaks with a mouthful of food.

 _“Hey,_ Kara _. Good to hear your voice at…_ 8am _in the morning?”_ Lena blushes and shakes her head. Kara swallows the food and mouths a silent _oh my god_ and whispers _what should I reply to that?_ Lena could only bite back a grin.

“Yeah- haha… How are you? Is Alex with you?” Kara attempts to deflect whatever it is Sam was implying. She’s flailing and cringing and she’s looking so _so_ cute that Lena fails to hide her smile.

 _“Alex is still asleep. I was calling Lena to catch up with her, but it seems she’s handling_ things _pretty well on her own.”_

“Well, that’s Lena. She’s always good at handling things-” A hand suddenly takes the phone away from Kara and puts it off the speaker.

“ _Ookay_ , I’m going to put you off speaker before my ex-girlfriend says any more stupid things.” Lena abruptly speaks towards her phone. Kara exclaims a _hey I didn’t say anything stupid_ in mock offense. Lena moves to stand behind Kara and rests her chin on top of Kara’s head.

 _“What?_ Ex-girlfriend _!_ _?”_

“Relax. I’ll tell you more about it when we meet. Besides, I did that thing you asked.” She brushes golden hair with her fingers and Kara lets out a happy hum.

“I absolutely gave her a _good_ _impression_ of National City.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was planning to only leave this as a one-shot, but it seems like I have to develop this into a richer story. The second and final chapter has been posted.
> 
> Spam me with comments because I love reading them!  
> Leave a kudo if you like this fic- and to cheer up my day.
> 
> Talk to me on [Tumblr](https://nightmare-xy.tumblr.com) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/nightmarexy3) because I’m mostly lonely. I also post supercorp fanarts over there!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is- the second and final chapter of my first work!  
> I hope you didn't wait for too long.
> 
> And yes, I changed the rating because the smut scene is getting rather too hot for M (but maybe it's just me).
> 
> Without any further ado, enjoy the rest of the ride.

Sunday mornings are usually for hot showers after an exercise or a jog around the park. It’s usually reserved for Kara’s winding down time, taking it slow and easy with the accompaniment of a hearty breakfast and television. It’s usually sunny, calm, and the audible chirping of birds or the occasional smell of bread baking coming out of her neighbor's window is one of the many things she enjoys.

Unfortunately, this isn’t the case in Lena’s apartment on this particular Sunday morning. The look on Alex's face is a _clear_ indication of that.

It's sunny, sure- but the smell of bread fresh out of the oven is nowhere to be found in this a-bit-too-plainly-decorated apartment, and the birds aren't chirping- though it's maybe because they are more than a thousand feet high above the ground. 

There _are_ clothes scattered around the floor instead, and other evidence of a _heated encounter_ from the night before.

Kara wonders how she got into this situation on just her second Sunday morning in National City.

She was _really happy_ from last night up until this morning. But now she’s just... _scared_.

Her sister and Sam sit in front of her, looking appaled like they just heard their cat has died or something. Kara is seated beside her _ex-girlfriend_ , Lena Luthor- which looks like she is about to face some shareholders in the boardroom, unexpectedly looking _so calm_.

_Huh. How could she stay so calm?_

“So,” Sam starts. “Let’s clear things up.”

“What’s not clear?” Lena says with her arms crossed on her front. “You set me up on a blind date with my ex-girlfriend, we had a good time, we kissed, we made up- I think it’s _unnecessary_ to have you two rushing over here.”

“It’s _necessary_ because this is your _ex-girlfriend_. The ex-girlfriend that _betrayed_ you and _traumatized_ you. All these times I’ve known you, you wouldn’t even _say her name_ like it’s a curse!” Sam has a concerned look on her face, but her eyes suddenly widen as if she just remembered something. “Um, no offense- Kara.”

Kara just purses her lips together, not really knowing what to say.

“Lena,” Alex, who has been sitting quietly while giving glaring looks to Kara since she arrived, finally speaks as she turns to Lena. “If I had known that you were _that Lena_ ,” She clears her throat before continuing. “I would’ve never let Sam set you up on a date with my sister. I know she did you wrong back when you guys dated in high school and I’m just- concerned. For you.”

“Thank you for your concern, Alex.” A compliance smile is showing on Lena’s face. “But I think both Kara and I will figure things out on our own. I personally think that we will be just fine.”

_Will we?_

“I just want you to know that it’s okay to back out-”

“Don’t feel pressured just because she’s your best friend’s girlfriend’s sister.” Sam quickly emphasizes by pointing back and forth between Alex and Kara. “It’s okay to not forgive someone who has caused you so much pain in the past. Again, no offense, Kara.”

 _None taken._ In fact, Kara agrees.

Lena pinches the bridge of her nose in frustration. “I’m _fine_ , Sam.”

Everyone in the room stayed quiet for a while.

This is _not_ what Kara expects her Sunday would go when she wakes up this morning in Lena’s bed. She was expecting lovely little moments with Lena in their fresh new- _albeit foreign_ state. She really wasn’t expecting this much of intense and deep air to breathe in.

“Do you have anything to say to _this_ , Kar?” Alex gives Kara a quizzical look, interrupting her thoughts. “You haven’t said a word.”

“Uh- I don’t-” Kara clears her throat. Talking has suddenly become the one skill she lacks. “I don’t want to interrupt anyone.”

Alex lets out an exasperated sigh. “Alright, can I talk to you? _Alone_ ?” She drags Kara towards the bathroom after she just barely said _sure_. It’s not even two seconds after she closes the bathroom door when she smacks Kara's arm and starts to whisper-shouting at her younger sister. _“Are you crazy!?"_

“ _Ow,_ Alex!” Kara winces and rubs the spot that has started to redden.

“What were you thinking!? I left you alone for _one night_ and you have to trick the girl you _cheated_ on to go to bed with you!? You could’ve told me yesterday and I would've stopped you and we wouldn’t have to clean up another mess you made, Kara.” Alex’s hostility can be sensed through her fast- _really fast_ speech.

“Okay.” Kara raises both of her hands in surrender. “First, I _did not_ trick her. We talked, we listened, and one thing led to another, we slept. Together. Second, I _did_ tell you yesterday! I sent you texts when I was in the restaurant last night!”

“You sent me a string of texts that I could barely understand! ‘ _Oh my god, oh no, oh man’_ doesn’t translate to _I’m having a date with my ex-girlfriend_ , Kara.”

“Lena and I had sex, _big deal_.” Kara deadpans. “We’re adults, Alex. It was consensual. I didn’t make any mess! _Another_ mess.”

Alex takes several deep breaths, trying to calm herself down. She has always been more hot-headed than Kara is.

“I know you’re an adult, so hear me out cause I’m only going to say this once.” Alex puts both of her hands on Kara’s shoulders to lock her attention. “When you called me back then, years and years ago, you told me about how much you fucked up. Remember what you went through the last time? You were _devastated_ , Kara. You cried a lot, you distanced yourself from your close ones, you went through a great depression...I just don’t want you to succumb back to those moments. You have _finally_ gotten better these past few years.”

“I wouldn’t call it _‘better’_.” Kara shrugs and Alex retrieves her hands. “Look, Alex- I don’t want to run away from this. This is a chance for me to make amends, and I think facing my feelings head on will do me good. Besides, being with Lena _feels_ good. I can’t believe how happy I am since yesterday.”

“That sounds a bit-”

“Selfish, I _know_.” She lets out a heavy sigh with a frown forming on her face. “ _Crap_ \- I don’t deserve this, do I? You’re right, _what was I thinking_? She _hated_ me and I don’t deserve another shot with her. _I don’t deserve her forgiveness-_ not after the things I did to her.”

“Okay, now,” Alex wraps Kara into a comforting hug. “I don’t know what you deserve or don’t deserve. All I know is that you have to be sure of what you’re doing- what you want to do, before jumping into… whatever it is you guys are into. Lena deserves that, at least.”

“Talk about it with her.” Alex finishes.

When Kara goes out of the bathroom, she could faintly hear the voices of Sam and Lena- which seems to be wrapping up a serious conversation of their own. Lena’s irritation could be heard through her words of _thank you very much, Sam, but I’m fine._

“Let’s go, Sam.” Alex gathers her wallet and keys on the coffee table and heads for the door. Sam rises from the white couch and follows suit. When Alex looks up, she gives Kara a meaningful look while mouthing _talk to her_. Kara could only nod sheepishly in response.

“I’ll see you at work, okay?” Sam turns to look at Lena before she heads out the door. “Oh, don’t forget to send me those proposals after you approved them.”

“Yes, I’ll take a look at them soon. I haven’t got the chance to because… _you know_.” Lena says with a dismissive hand gesture.

“Right. See you tomorrow.” Sam gives a small smile before bidding her farewell to Kara who’s currently looking _really stiff_. “Bye, Kara.”

Kara jumps at the unexpected address. “Oh- yeah- bye, Sam.”

Alex gives both Kara and Lena a small nod before the door closes with a thud.

After a beat, Lena audibly sighs- finally having a new air to breathe. “So _that was something_.” She quips with a raise of an eyebrow. At the lack of Kara’s response, she turns her head to look at Kara. “Hey, you okay?”

Kara is looking like she has a million things to say. She stands in an uncomfortable manner- mind _obviously_ filled with rambles- whilst holding her jacket that she retrieved from Lena’s bedroom floor before Alex and Sam came.

“We need to talk, Lee.”

“Um, I can’t. I have some work to do.” Lena is obviously deflecting her, and she could only look at Lena with an unintentional slight pout. She seems to soften at the sight. “Fine. But I really can’t right now, I should’ve finished this work yesterday-”

“It’s okay, we’ll talk soon.” Kara slowly walks towards Lena. “I could come by tonight? Or if you have work to do, I could meet you sometime next week?”

“Tonight sounds good.”

* * *

Kara stares hard at herself in the mirror. Her hair is still wet from the shower, water dripping down her body and wetting the tiles beneath her.

 _Oh no, what have you done, Kara?_ She’s not ready to have the talk.

Because having _the talk_ means facing reality, which Kara _knows_ she has to do, but it will also mean popping the bubble of her newfound happiness with Lena. Lena Luthor. _The Beautiful Lena Luthor_.

 _Gosh_ , Kara _loves_ Lena.

Things have been a little awkward when she was about to leave Lena’s apartment earlier today. Lena was leaning for a kiss when she was going for a hug, making her cheekbone bumped into Lena’s forehead with a much-too-strong force. Despite the bruise Kara suspected will be forming anytime soon and the sudden rush of _oh my god I’m sorry Lena are you okay,_ Lena just let out a laugh and Kara could only cringed at herself.

She has to get herself together before she sees Lena again in less than an hour.

Kara goes out of her apartment after putting on a coat to cover her thin cotton shirt. After glancing at the time, she stops by a restaurant on her way to order dinner for her and Lena, later hurrying her walking pace because she knows Lena _does not_ like to wait.

Before she realizes it, she is standing in front of a heavy wooden door, palms sweating and one hand held up on its way to knock sharply on the surface.

A voice could be heard from inside saying _I didn’t lock the door, Kara. Just come in_.

“Hey!” Kara greets Lena with way too much enthusiasm than she should’ve faked with.

“Someone’s chirpy.” Lena is tidying up stacks of paper on her coffee table. A small bump could be noticed on her forehead. “Have you eaten?”

“I-I actually brought dinner.” Kara holds out a bag full of take-away, making Lena to quickly swing her head to look in her direction. “Is Chinese okay?”

“Oh, _thank you_. I’m starving.” Both of them walk towards the sofa and sit down. “Let me guess- _potstickers_ and _chow mein_?”

Kara only replies with a grin. She’s giddy at the fact that Lena still remembers her favorite take-out orders. As she passes the chopstick to Lena, she asks, “You got a lil' bump over there. Does it hurt much?”

“I did crash onto a _brick wall_ earlier…” Lena wittily replies as she takes the chopstick with a _thank you_. “But it looks much worse than it is, don’t worry. It was my fault for wanting to kiss an ex-soccer athlete with muscles of steel.”

They share a little laugh as Kara’s face changes color. Lena is so open and _free_ when talking about their relationship like this, and Kara could only marvel at that.

_How? How is she not filled with doubts and warning signs?_

“Um, Lee-” Kara finishes her munching and swallows before clearing her throat. Lena hums in response. “You really think everything is going to be fine?”

The only response she gets is a silent stare from Lena, who also has paused her eating.

At the silence, Kara continues. “I know you said _what you said_ last night- before we did _what we did_ … but I also told you that I’d be here- that I will _always be here_. So I want you to talk to me- no, I want you to _know that_ -”

“ _Breathe_ , Kara.” Lena puts a hand on Kara’s forearm, stopping her ramble. “Think what you wanted to say first, and then say it slowly.”

Her brain racks trying to compose proper sentences. This talk is _not_ going well.

“I just want you to know that you could always tell me if you’re not sure about this- about me.” Kara sets the food container on the coffee table. She needs to focus on talking if she wants to do this well. “I know I haven’t done enough to earn your trust- not that you should feel pressured in believing me. You should know that it’s okay to _not be sure_ about me, and it’s okay to want to stay away from me.”

“Where’s this coming from? Was it Alex?” Lena mimics her by putting her food on the table in front of them. “We had a great time last night, Kara. I’d like to see where this goes.”

Kara’s eyebrows furrow. Lena doesn’t seem to be getting her point.

 _She couldn’t really be forgiven that easily, right?_ Nobody that has done the same mistake as her could.

“If you’re so worried,” Lena’s voice makes Kara fixate back on her eyes. “Let’s not rush things? We could just _hang out_ and get reacquainted with one another- _at least_ until we are sure of what to do with us.”

“Sounds good. I agree.” Kara nods slowly, brows still pulled together. “Just like what I told you from our brief talk yesterday, I’m really sorry for what I’ve done, Lena. I hope you know how regretful I am. I will try my best to make it up to you,” She has to swallow a sudden lump forming on her throat before continuing. “But if _down the road_ you decided you wanted to leave- I- I will understand. And it will be okay, eventually. I promise I will be okay-”

Lena cuts her with a sudden kiss. _“Don’t say something like that.”_ She whispers against Kara’s mouth. “I think I understand how sorry you are. And if I’m right, you are really _really_ sorry. We’ll take this one step at a time, okay?”

 _That_ Kara could agree. Her nod causes Lena to smile.

“You taste like potstickers.” Lena says as she reaches back for her food, and Kara couldn’t help but to laugh.

It was a little past 11 pm when Kara arrived home.

She walks straight to her bedroom, not having the urge to do anything else aside from flopping down her bed. Her mind turning and turning as she lays on her bed. The talk went well and it’s supposed to relieve her, but there’s a twinge of uneasiness settled in her gut.

Lena has given her a chance to make amends- to make up for the mistakes she did in the past, and _boy,_ does she have _a lot_ to make up for.

Does she even deserve this? Any of this? No. Not the time for doubts. Lena _did say_ they’ll take it one step at a time. 

Okay, Kara just has to show it.

As the night went on, her mind is still as troubled as ever. She finally falls asleep after a long time tossing and turning on her bed, not getting much rest that night.

* * *

_“Goodbye, Kara.”_

She wanted to reach out. Kara wanted to grab Lena’s hand and stop her. But for reasons Kara wasn’t even sure of, she can’t bring herself to do it. It didn’t matter how _bad_ she wanted it- she didn’t think she had the right to it.

She was only aware of two things: the sight of Lena’s back walking away from her and the thudding sound of her own heartbeats flooding in her ears. She wasn’t aware of the curious stares and whispers she got from a few people still on the soccer field. On top of it, she wasn’t even aware of the tears streaming down her face.

Kara is a horrible human being. An awful, _obnoxious_ human being.

She struggled to reach for her phone in her pocket, her sobs taking over the control of her body. After stumbling for a moment, she managed to press a particular name on her contact list.

_“Hey, Kar. What’s up?”_

“ _Alex_.” Her voice broke. “A-are you free ri-right now?”

 _“Are you crying? Kara, are you okay?”_ Alex’s concerned voice could be heard distinctly among the relatively noisy background. _“Talk to me, Kar. What happened?”_

“I messed up. I-I messed up _real bad_.”

_“I’m still out right now but I can drive back to my place and we can talk. Or do you want me to go there and meet you? Do you need that?”_

“N-no, no. Just talk to me on the phone. It’ll take you _hours_ to go back and forth to your campus.”

_“Okay. Okay, I’ll call you back as soon as I can.”_

Kara couldn’t even let out another word to answer her sister.

 _“Do not do anything stupid.”_ Alex managed to say before Kara pressed the red button on her screen.

Well, it’s kind of _too late_ for that.

It didn’t take longer than half an hour when her phone rang. Alex must have speeded through the traffic. Kara usually would’ve tattled her reckless driving to Eliza, but this time she was grateful that her sister returned her call so fast.

_“Tell me what happened. Take your time.”_

With a little hesitation caused by _a lot_ of guilty feelings, she managed to ease her sister into the story even though it took a lot of effort to speak in between her sobs.

She never told Alex about her relationship with Lena Luthor before. It’s not because she didn’t trust her, but Alex was in college with her own problems, that’s for sure. Therefore, Kara didn’t want to bother her with her own high school dramas- not that it wasn’t what she was doing right now.

_“So… was it an affair?”_

“No. It was only that one time. It meant _nothing._ ” Just when she said those words, a huge sinking feeling fell in her chest. It’s supposed to mean nothing, but yet she’s here, feeling like it has ruined _everything_. “ _Gosh_ , Alex. What am I gonna do?”

It took a moment of paused silence before Alex answered her.

 _“I know that you know how much you_ fucked up _, and I know you’re going to beat yourself up- so I’m not going to add anything about that.”_ Kara can’t help the tears spilling out her eyes yet again when she heard her sister’s words. _“I’m your sister. And as your sister, I will be here for you. No matter how much you screwed up.”_

Kara let out a small _thank you Alex_ followed by a sniffle.

 _“Make this as a_ really hard _lesson to learn. I promise you will find yourself okay one day.”_

But that day never seemed to come.

She tried reaching out to her ex-girlfriend over and over again, despite all the futile attempts she made. It’s understandable for Lena to avoid her- or in this case, _ghosted_ her. And Kara only stopped when Alex scolded her to _give the girl some space and privacy, Kar_ \- which she knew was right.

Lena might not be able to ever forgive her over her mistakes, and she _clearly_ had to stop bugging her ex-girlfriend before she is issued with a restraining order.

So for a really long time, Kara could only wallow in longing from afar. For many years, she woke up everyday with a twinge of pain in her chest, the heavy burden of guilt and remorse mixing altogether. For some time, she can’t even smile.

It took her years to get slightly more _okay_ than before. But she always found herself following Lena’s shadows- her scholarship, her PhDs, numerous achievements, news about L-Corp. And everytime, she always found herself _admiring_ the Luthor as much as she dwelled on the _what could’ve beens_.

She tried dating other people, sometimes even resorting to casual sex in attempts to get better. It never worked, of course. It will never work. At least not until the day she could overcome her own problems with her guilt.

Which again, that day never seemed to come.

* * *

Forgiveness isn’t something Kara thinks she deserves.

So when Lena said _I think I already have forgiven you, Kara Danvers_ the first time they met after ten years, it clearly surprised her. And of course, she’s grown skeptical towards it.

A few months pass rather quickly when it’s spent in happiness. Dating Lena Luthor makes the daily lives of one Kara Danvers filled with bliss. Well not exactly _‘dating’_ \- they agreed to take things slow. _‘Seeing each other’_ seems to be the more accurate phrase.

At first, being in this gray area feels fine. _It works_.

They see each other several times each week and aren’t afraid of being sexual with each other. Their relationship should feel fine, but Kara can’t shrug off the growing feeling of doubts and insecurities. And whenever Kara wants to bring up the _sensitive_ topic of their past, Lena never seems to want to talk about it, always cutting off Kara by saying _we’re fine now, that’s what’s important_.

She did all she could think of to try to make it up to Lena- even asking Alex and Sam for advice. She calls her daily, asking how her days went, she brings lunch to Lena’s office to spend some time together, and even stays late at her office to keep her company while she’s working overtime every other day. She always asks Lena if there’s anything she could give a hand to, helping out with errands here and there, just _trying_ to be _useful_.

But it’s not enough. _It’s still not enough._

Sometimes Kara would make self-deprecating jokes, or she would ask Lena if she really had forgiven her, and Lena would always kiss the insecurities away- a working temporary remedy. She would always reassure Kara that she has forgiven her, but it still doesn’t sit right.

Lena is such a good person. And that makes her feel _even more_ underserving.

On a Friday night, they are cuddling on the couch in Kara’s living room. Lena had done her portion of work for the week and she was picked up by Kara in her office earlier. They ate pizza for dinner at a hole-in-the-wall before they went back to Kara’s apartment to watch the TV show Kara won’t shut up about for the past week.

“I don’t get it.” Lena says as she lounges on the sofa with a blue sweatshirt and a pair of sleeping shorts. “His designs are _much more_ marketable to current demographics. Why didn’t he win?”

“It’s _Next In Fashion_ , not _Now In Fashion_ , Lee.” Kara lays down behind Lena in a big spoon position. One of her hands is holding her head up, while the other is playing with the hem of Lena’s sweatshirt on her stomach.

“Fair enough.” Lena says as she turns around to face Kara. “But I highly suspected you’re watching this _mainly_ for the drama.”

“Guilty as charged.” Kara grins as Lena softly kisses her cheek.

They are quiet for a while, basking in physical closeness to one another. Lena lowers her eyes, brows knitting together, and her lips tighten together in thought.

“What are you thinking?” Kara asks at the sight of growing change in expression.

“Well,” Her eyes are met with Lena’s pair of green orbs. “We’ve been seeing each other for almost six months. When are you going to make it _official_ with me?”

 _Oh my_. What is she supposed to reply to _that_?

“Um,” Kara swallows a gulp as her eyes widen in silent panic. “It’s been _almost six months_? Haha... _wow_ , time flies.”

Lena raises an eyebrow in an unsatisfied manner. The way she stares at Kara is suddenly _intimidating_ , and she suddenly has the urge to avoid that gaze.

“ _Stop. Deflecting._ ” A small smirk shows on Lena’s face. “ _Seriously_ , Kara? I can’t be the only one who wants to take the next step, can I? You _did_ say you’re in love with me.”

“I am!” Kara quickly snaps, but falters soon after. “I am, Lee. It’s just- are you sure you want to be with me?”

“Why would I have spent _this much time_ with you if I wasn’t sure? I _want this_ , Kara. What else are we waiting for?”

“I don't know... it might be better for you to not be with someone so _cruel, evil, and untrustworthy_ like me. I’m not worth it.” Kara quips another disparaging joke.

“Okay. Honestly, this attitude is getting a little old.” The tone Lena uses is suddenly harsh. Usually whenever Kara makes a self belittling humor like this, Lena would come up with a witty comeback and finishes it off with a peck on Kara’s lips. Unfortunately, not this time. “When are you going to stop being _so_ passive aggressive?”

Both of them rise and shift into a sitting position on the couch. Kara shrugs her answer in response. “Well, it’s _true_. I'm a horrible human being and I’m definitely _not worth it_.”

Lena shuts her eyes and rubs her forehead impatiently.

“ _You have to start forgiving yourself_ , Kara.” Lena opens her eyes and a look of desperation is visible from it. “How are we going to _move forward_ if you keep being stuck on the events of _a decade ago_?”

Kara knows she’s right. She should have already felt better during all these months she spent being with Lena. But it’s _so confusing_ and _difficult-_ she just can’t deny the creeping feeling that still haunts her every single day.

“I know. _I know_. Alex said the same thing.” Kara lets out a heavy sigh. “It’s just- it’s _hard_. These times I had- being with you- it just showed me _how good you are_ , Lena, and I just felt like I _don’t deserve_ any of it because I had wronged you in the past. I’m not even sure why would you ever trust me again-”

“It’s been _ten years_ , Kara! Let it go!”

“Yes, _I know that too_! But it’s just _harder_ for me, you know?” Kara’s agitation makes it uncomfortable to sit still. She stands up and starts pacing the room. “For the past decade, I woke up every single day thinking of you- thinking of _my_ mistakes! Meanwhile, you never even wanted to talk about what I did to you- about _what happened to us_. You put me in a box along with our past, and kept it away as something you never want to deal with! You wouldn’t even say my name for the _whole ten years_ , for god’s sake!”

Lena’s eyes widen and noticeably stricken with incredulity. She clenches her arm and her eyebrows knit together in a frown, emphasizing her upset.

“Because it’s _easier_ to not have to deal with any of that! I’m used to it- not thinking of you, not thinking of _what happened to us_.” Lena says with a firm tone.

“If you never think about _what happened to us_ , how can you be sure that you have really forgiven me?”

“I just wanted to focus about moving on.” Lena stands up and walks closer to where Kara is standing. She hovers one of her hands to Kara’s side- almost touching her arm, but decides to retrieve it back in hesitation. “I _know_ I didn’t do every single thing right as well- back then. But I just don’t find the need to dwell on the past.” She crosses her arms together. “Wait- _why is this suddenly my fault_?”

“I’m not saying that it’s your fault. I just- I can’t forgive myself until _I’m sure_ that you have really forgiven me. And I don’t want you to forgive me _just because_ you wanted to _move on_. I want you to forgive me because you unboxed all of those things you kept away. Because you dealt with it one by one.”

Kara could notice the change in Lena’s eyes. Glisten of tears forming and her blinks are rapid in the attempt to block it from spilling out. But she just had to say this. _They have to talk about this_.

“What you’re doing right now is dismissive, and you’re living in denial!” Kara snaps in frustration.

_“Because it hurts me when I think about you, okay!?”_

Lena is shaking- eyes focused on Kara’s. She still tries to blink back her tears, but it keeps streaking down helplessly.

“ _That’s_ why I don’t want to deal with it. _That’s_ why it’s easier to keep the past- _keep_ _you_ away. You have no idea how I spent years and years being in this… _emotional limbo_.” Lena visibly tries so hard to keep her voice stable. She swallows several times before she’s able to continue speaking. “I _hated you_ for what you’ve done, I _cursed_ your name, Kara. But I kept thinking- that maybe it was _my fault_ to begin with. It was _my fault_ that you did what you did. It was _my fault_ for ever letting it happen. I never knew if it was really my fault or you just- simply messed up. And it’s _scary_ to face _all that_ because-”

_“ What if it really was my fault? ”_

Kara never knew Lena could look so weak- _so fragile_. She’s stood there in the middle of Kara’s living room, looking _so little_. Her tears are unstoppable now, and the whole sight of it just hurts Kara.

_What have I done?_

This is not what’s supposed to be happening. Lena is not supposed to feel _that way_ over _Kara’s mistakes_.

“ _Gosh,_ ” Kara quickly approaches Lena, tentatively reaching for Lena’s hands with her own. “I’m hurting you _yet again_ aren’t I?”

Lena lets out a watery bitter laugh. “Well, _apparently_ we’ve been silently hurting each other anyway, right?”

Kara lifts a hand to gently slide a strand of raven hair to the back of Lena’s ear. “You should never have felt that way over _my mistakes_ , Lena.”

“All I know is that I took part in it.” Lena’s gaze is unfocused, avoiding the concerned look directed at her.

“No, no-” Kara says as she shakes her head. “You shouldn’t be the one to feel the burden out of something _I did_.” 

“Yeah, tell me what _exactly_ you did, Kara.” The pale green eyes are fixed back into blue ones. Her bottom lip quivers as tears continue to fall down her cheeks. “Because I need to know that it isn’t just in my head. I _need_ to know that it really wasn’t my fault.”

Kara knows what she did. She thinks about it every day. She just never wanted to say the word _explicitly_ because it will make her feel even more- _inhumane_.

“Y-you _know_ what _I did_.” Tears threaten to fall from Kara’s eyes in return- her voice is already shaking. She drops her hands limply to her sides, not having the energy to do _anything else_ as she struggles to keep herself together.

“Look at me.” It took a quite long pause before Lena put both of her hands to cup Kara’s face and lock their eyes together. “Tell me what you did to me. _Please_.”

It’s a word Kara knows she has to admit to both Lena and herself.

It’s supposed to be just another word in the dictionary, but the _exposed, naked, vulnerable_ look they are exchanging shows _how bad they need to hear it_.

Kara has to take several deep breaths before finding the courage to say it out loud.

“I-I… _I cheated on you._ ”

It’s a harsh word. But it’s enough to interpret the truth.

“I’m sorry _I cheated_ on you. _I was a monster._ ”

Both of them break into sobs. Lena immediately wraps Kara in a tight embrace as they both shake in convulsions.

 _“You were just a human.”_ Lena murmurs against Kara’s shoulder.

 _“I’m sorry for making you cry.”_ Kara buries herself in Lena’s hair as she cries- finding a certain comfort in the familiar smell of shampoo.

“It’s okay.” Lena slowly strokes the messy curls of blonde hair. “We’re _just_ humans.”

After a while, Kara delicately retracts herself from the warmth of Lena's embrace. At the movement, Lena lifts her head and looks right into Kara’s eyes with a loving gaze.

A genuine, yet small smile is plastered on Kara’s face.

For some reason, her shoulders feel light, her chest feels untied. She feels free.

Admitting reality is the first step towards recovery. The first step in moving on.

_Finally_.

* * *

They spent a couple of hours on the couch of Kara’s living room just holding each other tight, trading sweet kisses- still slightly crying- until they finally calmed down. Their eyes are swollen, their cheeks are red.

Both of them lie on the couch, being close to one another. A peaceful bliss surrounds them.

“I don’t recall ever fighting that hard with you before.” Kara says breaking the silence as she traces random patterns on Lena’s arm.

“Because we never. Fought that hard.” Lena mumbles her reply on Kara’s neck.

“I think the biggest fight we ever had before _this one_ is that time you threw away my potstickers I kept in my dorm.”

Lena draws back to look at Kara incredulously. “They were _spoilt_ , Kara.”

“You wouldn’t even let me taste them! How am I supposed to be convinced?” The pattern drawing stops as Kara changes her position to hold herself up on her elbow.

“There was _mold_ on it.”

“I could still _try it_ …”

“ _Ew_ , Kara- no!” Lena gives a playful grimace expression.

They laugh a bit at the short reminisce and settle back in a quiet atmosphere.

“You know, since we just had a _really huge fight_ …” Lena starts and Kara replies with a small questioning hum. “Wanna have a hot and heavy make up sex?”

... _Golly_.

Kara has read a handful of self-help books to aid her journey to improve her well-being over the years. Despite the various mental exercises written among these books, there is one in particular that’s branded in Kara’s brain- _finding good things to be thankful for_.

Pizza and potstickers are good. That TV show she watches every week is good. Her sister Alex is good. Her brief period living with cousin Clark in Metropolis is good.

But nothing could top how good Lena Luthor is. In regards to it, Kara is hoping she could _top_ Lena Luthor _now_.

She mentally slaps her own head. _Don’t make jokes now. You’re ruining the moment._

“Should I take the silence as a _no_ to sex?” Lena asks with a sly smile on her face.

“No- I mean- yes! _Yes_. To sex. Yes to sex.” Kara says while rapidly bobbing her head up and down.

She must have looked like what Lena usually describes as _adorably dorky_ , because the laugh Lena snorts out is the one that usually accompanies the statement.

“For a reporter, you seem to have a hard time finding words.” As she recovers from her laugh, she goes back into using her seductive tone. “It’s a good thing we don’t really need much right now.”

Kara blushes hard. She looks like a heap of mess with hair still sticking on her face from the now dried tears. Really. She must have looked like crap. However, she can’t help but to be too easily swooned by the suddenly shifted moment.

“Are you sure? _These_ puffy eyes aren’t the most attractive look that I got.” Kara emphasizes by pointing a finger to both of her eyes.

“I bet I look like shit too.” Lena grins before she slowly leans in close. “I don’t care about that, though. I just want you.”

Kara captures Lena's lips in a heated kiss. One of her hands grabs the hem of Lena's sweater to take it off of her, breaking the kiss just enough to let the clothing go through her head.

She could feel Lena's hands moving underneath her white t-shirt to feel her abs. Wanting the physical closeness, she yanks her own clothes off along with her sports bra, revealing plenty amount of bare skin.

Lena stares hard at her topless state, hands still running up and down to feel Kara's sculpted abs. “I can't believe I'm dating a Greek goddess.”

A smug smirk shows on Kara's face. “ _Oh,_ who says we're _dating_?”

Lena raises her eyebrows and looks at Kara's eyes in disbelief. Kara snorts out a laugh at her expression. "I'm kidding!" Kara steals a quick kiss as she smiles. “Will you _officially_ be my girlfriend?”

“Thought you would never _fucking_ ask.” Their passionate kiss continues. Kara brings her hands to unclasp Lena's bra and throws it somewhere towards the back of the couch- not really caring where it will end up.

She moves lower to slide her tongue to Lena's jaw, licking downwards her collarbone all the way to her sternum. She closes her mouth to one of Lena's hardening nipples, gently biting it before she starts sucking the nub. Lena moans at the Kara rolls her other nipple in between her thumb and index finger and Lena gasps at the contact.

Lena has one hand clutching Kara’s head towards her chest to keep her close as she moves to straddle Kara on her lap. Kara feels nails lightly scratching down her back and she can’t stop the groan from her throat at the sensation of it. She withdraws her head from Lena’s clasp and Lena takes the chance to start kissing the side of her neck.

 _“You wanna try sitting on my face?”_ Lena murmurs in between licks and sucking movements against Kara's neck.

Kara jolts in surprise. She looks at Lena with widened eyes, mouth opening and closing several times- not knowing what to react to the question. “Uh- wow. Um. I’ve never tried that before.”

“Well, neither have I. Although, I’ve read about it once or twice.” She raises one of her brows in a teasing manner and Kara finds her just- _captivatingly_ sexy.“ _Too wild_?”

“No, no. I was just… hoping that I could top you tonight?”

Lena chuckles and swiftly lands a peck on Kara's cheek. “Technically, you will be _on top of me._ ”

Kara groans. “ _You know what I mean_ … but maybe later?”

“Later it is.” Lena leans in to go back to kissing Kara. She smirks into the kiss and says her next words against Kara's mouth. “Now show me how are you planning to top me, _Supergirl_.”

She always liked that nickname whenever her coach called her from across the field, whenever the score announcer called out her name, or when her teammates cheered for her at her successful strike. But the way Lena says it has always been her favorite.

“Up.” She nudges Lena who's currently straddling her to stand up. At the command, Lena immediately backs off and stands up. She is looking at Kara with blown-wide pupils and heavy breathing. “Pants off.” Kara continues her demand.

“ _Bossy._ ” Lena retorts, but she shimmies down her sleep trousers and her panties still. “I like it.”

“Yeah?” Kara gleams with pride and Lena nods appreciatively. The sight of Lena's pale curvy figure sends a tingly feeling down her belly. She moves further back to the couch and spreads her legs to make room in front of her. “Now come sit here with your back facing me.” She pats several times on the space in between her thighs.

Lena follows her command and she lowers herself to sit in front of Kara, back flushing with Kara's front. They both exhale a pleased sigh at the skin-to-skin contact. It doesn't take long until Kara starts using one hand to sweep black hair onto one side of Lena's shoulder and plants open-mouthed wet kisses to the back of her neck.

“Knees up and spread your legs wide.” Lena lifts her knees up and puts her heels on the seat cushion upon Kara's request. She puts one hand on each knee and opens them apart.

Kara moves her arms to wrap Lena, holding her so close to her front. Her left hand slips among their bodies to squeeze and play with Lena's right breast, while her other hand sneaks in between Lena's thigh and lets her leg hang on Kara's forearm.

Lena turns her head to her side, trying to look at Kara, her eyes questioning. “Not to ruin the moment, but this position isn't the most convenient- _oh_.” Kara dips one finger in shallow movement towards Lena's entrance.

She moves said finger in slow circles, setting a rhythmic movement to follow the palm rolling Lena's hard nipple.

Lena is already _so wet_. And the knowledge of it just drives Kara's arousal through the roof. She plunges two fingers inside her to start a slow pumping movement. Lena cried out a high pitch moan.

 _“Kara-”_ Lena grips Kara's wrist and moves it to thrust faster against her own core. She rocks her hips in the opposite direction of their hands to have Kara's fingers hitting deeper inside her. “More- _more._ ”

Kara adds another finger and uses her thumb to rub circles on Lena's clit. She increases the tempo of her hand, and judging by the wet noises resulting from it, her couch will have a possibly-unremovable stain.

The pressure of the grip on her hand is getting weaker, and Lena's breath hitches higher and higher. In one loud gasp, Lena comes as she closes her eyes shut and jerkily grinds her hip to ride out her orgasm.

Kara always feels a sense of pride whenever she makes Lena come. She is glad at the fact that she could make her most beloved person feel that good.

Lena is panting hard as she comes down from her high. Kara moves both of them into a more comfortable position, Lena lying on her back while still catching her breath. Kara hovers above her with her golden locks draping around their faces. She leans down softly to kiss her girlfriend.

Soft kisses shortly turn into desperate ones. Lena raises one thigh to slot in between Kara, deliberately pushing upwards to apply pressure against her core.

Kara positions her hands to stabilize herself on top of Lena. She starts to grind her hip on Lena's thigh, and from the way her panties clings to her skin, she knows that she's soaking down there.

“Pants off.” Lena says with a sly smile on her face. Kara shakily hops off her thigh to stand up and takes off her pants. “Look at how the table has turned.”

“Oh, _shut up_.” Kara remarks and Lena lets out a giggle. Soon after, they are back in their previous position- Kara riding Lena's thigh, leaving wet trails on pale white skin, seeking friction as she grinds harder and harder.

Lena is looking up at her with half-lidded eyes, with her hair spread out on the cushion around her head, looking so _hot_. She raises both of her hands to grope Kara's firm breasts, earning a pleased hiss from her.

“Come here.” Lena says to her, breaking her focus on the ever-growing pleasure on her belly. She hesitantly drags herself closer to Lena's face.

Kara moans when her clit hits the jutting out of Lena's hipbone. The sudden solid pressure sends a thrill down her spine, adding to her desires. She stops her way to start grinding on the poking bone. “ _Fuck- Lena._ ” She manages to say in between her breaths. “This feels so good. _So so good._ ”

“Well,” Lena replies as she hungrily watches Kara's desperate action, moving her fingers to lightly pinch at Kara's nipples. She earns a guttural moan at the action. “Try not to come until you're in my mouth.”

Kara groans as she hurries herself to move towards Lena's mouth. She is dripping wet and Lena licks her lip when Kara is hovering herself directly on top of her. When Lena wraps her arms to pin down both of Kara's thighs, she lifts her head to meet the soaking lower lips and- _oh my god_.

Lena's tongue is skillful. This isn't the first time she eats her out, but in this position, everything feels _incredible_. The quick swipes on her clit, the dives of her tongue to gather more and more of Kara's slick- all of those just drive Kara crazy.

“Oh- _fuck_ , Lee. I-I'm not gonna last long.” She clenches her grip hard on the back cushion of the couch. “Can I- _oh gosh-_ can I grind? _Please?_ ”

The vibration of Lena's approval hum pushes Kara closer and closer to her peak. With one hand securing her position on the couch, she moves her other hand to gently grip Lena's hair and station her position.

Lena flattens her tongue out and Kara uses the surface to start grinding. She tries to put her strength in mind- not wanting to hurt Lena while she's chasing her climax.

“I'm going to come- _Lena-_ _Lena-_ ” The pleasuring heat in her belly coils tighter and tighter, and Kara's vision blanks in white as a shock of pleasure shrill throughout her body.

Lena laps up her tongue to clean Kara as she finishes riding out her orgasm. Her hands guide Kara's hips to shift lower into a _way more_ relaxing position.

Kara's legs are jelly. She is breathless and has to take some time into gathering herself.

After a while, she notices Lena staring at her lovingly with a smile on her face. She returns the smile and moves to press their lips together, slightly groaning at the taste of herself on Lena's mouth.

“Do you think you can go for another round?” Lena asks quietly.

Kara pauses for a moment before replying. “ _Thank god_ I had my endurance training.”

“Honestly, it feels good.” Lena lies on her back, pulling the blanket to cover both her and Kara’s bodies. With all the efforts it took them, they have successfully moved to the bedroom of Kara’s small apartment to turn in for the night.

Kara finds a comfortable position and turns to Lena. “The sex?”

“No, dummy.” Lena bops her nose and Kara scrunches her nose. “ _Unboxing_ feels good.”

Lena stares at the ceiling. She’s still slightly sweaty from their previous _copulation_ . But despite of that, she _looks so perfect_ with the post-coital glow.

Kara sighs happily. She doesn’t even have a slight doubt about her feelings towards Lena. She is _too easy_ to be loved.

“Being with you _feels_ good.” Kara intertwines their fingers together and rubs her thumb on Lena’s palm.

“Well, that makes us two.” Lena smiles at her before quipping a witty remark. “But the sex was good too.”

“Good? The sex was _mind-blowingly amazing_.”

“I wanted to agree with you, but my _sore_ jaw is begging for mercy.” Lena quips and squeezes Kara's hand before bringing it towards her lips to give it a kiss.

They break into giggles for a moment. Kara shifts closer to cuddle Lena tight, their faces only inches apart. “I love you, Lee.”

 _“I know.”_ Lena whispers quietly.

She looks like she has something else to say- the words seem to be just at the tip of her tongue. But after a beat too long of a pause, Kara leans forward to kiss her, cutting off her thoughts.

“It’s okay. _I know_.”

Soft smiles are shown on their faces in addition to the affectionate looks they are showering one another. They kiss one more time before falling into a deep sleep in warm embrace.

* * *

“Is that all?” Lena says as she puts aside an empty cardboard towards the rest of the pile.

They have been dating for about three years, and they’re currently finishing their process of moving in together. They bought a house just a little outside the city- at a reasonable distance to both of their workplaces. And after several months of taking care of _a lot of things_ , they were finally able to move and get settled in.

When Kara first moved to National City, she didn’t expect to be standing in the middle of a walk-in-closet with her beloved girlfriend. In spite of that, she’s just overjoyed at the fact that she’s here right now.

 _God, she really needs to thank both Alex and Sam_ \- and Lena. _Most importantly,_ her.

She wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for them.

“That's all.” Kara claps her hands together a few times to get rid of the dust on her palms and fingers. “Are you sure you don't want me to give you more space in the closet? I could just fold my clothes and put it in the dresser.”

“There's no need, Darling.” Lena closes their closet door and moves towards the remaining pile of clutters on the hardwood floor. She sighs at the dreaded idea of having to arrange all of it. “Besides, your clothes _barely_ occupied anything- it's mostly mine in there.”

“I just want you to be able to buy more pretty clothes.”

“ _Just_ pretty clothes?” Lena asks with a quirk of an eyebrow.

“ _Fine_.” Kara rolls her eyes in mock annoyance. “Sexy lingeries too.”

Lena tries to bite back a laugh. She manages to stop to let out a pleased yet questioning hum when she feels Kara hugging her from behind. “Hm? What's this for?”

Kara envelops her girlfriend tight in a protective hug. She’s holding something _so precious_ to her- and wouldn’t even dare to test the durability of the much-cherished thing.

“This is for being you. Just you.” She kisses the top of Lena’s head, feeling giddy with affection.

“ _You’re such a sap_.” Lena jokingly groans.

“Hey! You love it.” She balks in response.

Lena turns around to face her and plants a kiss on her lips. “I do.”

They kiss softly for a while before she breaks from it to look at the beautiful figure in her arms. She can’t resist the grin forming towards the sight of her girlfriend. “I love you, Lena Luthor.”

She is met with another kiss before she hears Lena’s reply. “And I love _you_ , Kara Danvers.”

Kara is slowly reaching back to that state of believing herself. Trusting herself _enough_ to protect Lena- to never be another reason to break her again, and to keep trying her best to make Lena as _happy_ as she deserves to be.

Though for now, the trust that Lena has put onto her is enough.

She will get there, eventually. Maybe even sooner than she thought.

But Kara Danvers will get there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of the story! I hope I did some of you justice from the first chapter.
> 
> I'm really glad I decided to start writing because it's been an amazing ride so far- and I know it's only just the beginning.  
> I will keep on doing this so subscribe to see my upcoming work!
> 
> And again, spam me with comments because I love reading them!  
> Leave a kudo if you like this fic- and to cheer up my day.
> 
> If you wanted to follow me for updates on my writings, ask or talk to me on [Tumblr](HTTP://nightmare-xy.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/nightmarexy3) because I'm mostly lonely. I also post supercorp fanarts over there!


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